How to Disagree with Your Stakeholders

Nov 3

Learning for Good podcast image - navigating conflict with stakeholders

We have all disagreed with our nonprofit stakeholders at some point in our careers, but speaking up and sharing that disagreement can feel hard because we tend to want to avoid conflict and not burn any bridges.

However, there are times when we must speak up because it's what's best for the organization and the mission.

That's why, in this episode, I'm sharing a 4-step method to disagree with your stakeholders without causing division, along with powerful tips to make these conversations successful.

▶️ Key Points:

03:02 The importance of having a strong relationship with your stakeholders

04:34 When you need to speak up if you disagree

06:36 Step 1: Discover

07:34 Step 2: Align

08:21 Step 3: Compliment

09:11 Step 4: Propose

11:48 How you can prepare yourself for these conversations

13:12 Five things to keep in mind when having these conversations

Disagreement, Conflict, and Speaking Up without Burning Bridges

As a leader within the nonprofit sector, you are dedicated to driving performance, improving capacity, and fueling your organization's mission impact. Yet, as mission-driven organizations grow, it can often feel like staff capacity isn't keeping pace, or that your teams are repeatedly fixing the same recurring problems. This cycle often leads to the demand for quick-fix solutions, usually in the form of training, even when the underlying issue is not a skill gap. Navigating these requests, especially when they come from senior leaders or powerful stakeholders in different departments, requires a delicate balance: the ability to advocate for the best organizational solution while simultaneously maintaining strong working relationships.

There comes a point in every relationship—whether professional or personal—where disagreement is inevitable. Disagreement is normal, and conflict, when managed appropriately, is actually beneficial. The challenge at work is learning how to disagree tactfully and strategically, especially when you have no formal authority over the stakeholder. The ability to voice a concern without alienating colleagues or causing division is critical to long-term success.

Episode 158 of Learning for Good delves into the tactical framework for navigating professional disagreements, drawing on insights applicable to nonprofit leaders, talent management experts, and L&D professionals who frequently face the challenge of saying, "This isn't a training issue," or "We won't do that," without jeopardizing essential partnerships.

The Foundation for Productive Conflict

Before stepping into any disagreement, it is essential to recognize a fundamental prerequisite: disagreement works best when you already have a strong relationship with your stakeholders. If the professional relationship is already rocky, any disagreement—no matter how well-intentioned—risks being misinterpreted or mishandled, leading to potential division.

Building this solid working relationship sets the stage for productive conflict. For those seeking to strengthen these foundations, focusing on principles like being a good learning partner, turning subject matter experts into assets, and working with SMEs without frustration are necessary preparatory steps. Once that strong relationship is established, it becomes significantly easier to have conflict and disagree in a way that successfully maintains the relationship.

If you need support building strong relationships with stakeholders, check out these past Learning for Good episodes:

Emotional Intelligence: Knowing When to Disagree

Not every professional disagreement warrants a fight; some are moments where you must be adaptable, flexible, and willing to compromise. If a stakeholder wants to change a minor element, such as word choice (e.g., changing "of" to "for"), imagery, color choice, or button placement, and the sentence still makes sense or the functionality remains intact, it is often appropriate to simply make the change. Giving some ground is a key part of being flexible and agreeable.

However, when a decision has a significant and negative meaningful impact, it becomes necessary to speak up and clearly articulate why you disagree. L&D professionals, in particular, must leverage their expertise to advocate for solutions that truly support organizational growth and learning effectiveness.

There are three key situations where you must speak up and share your disagreement:

1. When the Proposed Solution Isn't Best for the Organization

A common scenario in the nonprofit sector is when a stakeholder demands training, even though you know a different, more efficient solution exists. Training costs valuable time and money that the organization may not have, making the inefficient solution a drain on resources.

If you can offer a different solution that is more efficient and still meets the stakeholder’s needs, that is the time to speak up. The goal is to prevent the adoption of ineffective strategies that siphon resources away from the core mission.

2. When the Proposed Solution is Detrimental to the Learner

In L&D, we know that certain approaches hinder learning. You need to speak up when a stakeholder proposes an action that would be detrimental to the learner’s ability to acquire and effectively use the necessary skills. This is where your specialized knowledge in learning design becomes crucial to the organizational outcome.

3. When the Proposed Solution Lacks Accessibility or Inclusion

Finally, you must speak up if the stakeholder’s proposal would not be accessible or inclusive for the intended audience. Everything created for staff and stakeholders must work for the people who need to use it. Ensuring inclusivity and accessibility is a critical responsibility.

In these situations—where inefficiency, detriment to the learner, or lack of inclusion are present—we must be able to disagree and share precisely why we disagree.

A Four-Step Framework for Tactful Disagreement and Conflict Resolution

Once you determine that a situation warrants disagreement, the next question is how to approach the conversation. We need a structure that allows us to challenge the proposed solution (e.g., "It has to be eLearning!") without directly rejecting the person who proposed it.

Here are the four essential steps to help you disagree with stakeholders effectively:

Step 1: Be Curious and Discover What Is Driving the Request (or Demand)

Before launching into your alternative solution, your primary goal is to understand the stakeholder’s perspective. If they are demanding a specific solution, such as a training, eLearning, or microlearning, you must discover what aspects of that idea resonate with them.

Ask questions to uncover their intent: Why do they want training? Why are they convinced microlearning is the way to go? They arrived at that specific solution for a reason, and understanding that underlying motivation is the first step toward shifting the conversation.

Step 2: Find Alignment (e.g., Agree with the Reason Behind the Idea)

You do not have to agree that the proposed solution (e.g., microlearning) is the answer. Instead, you must find a way to agree with the reason or the intent behind their idea. This step hinges on the curiosity cultivated in Step 1.

For example, if the stakeholder wants eLearning because they believe staff are too busy for a long course, you can align with the intent, even if you disagree with the solution. A professional agreement might sound like this: "You want people to access the learning quickly and easily because they’re busy. I agree. We shouldn’t waste people’s time." By agreeing that time is important, you anchor the conversation around a shared value, which opens the door for alternative solutions.

Step 3: Compliment Them and Mean It

After finding common ground, take a moment to compliment the stakeholder. The key is sincerity; the compliment must be genuine. You want to show them that you value and respect them, as well as their ideas.

Complimentary statements can acknowledge their effort or their goal: "I can see you’ve thought a lot about this," or "I appreciate that you want things to be more efficient," or "You’re so good at finding ways to save time." Showing respect and valuing their contribution goes a long way when transitioning to the next critical step: proposing your alternative.

Step 4: Propose Your Alternate Solution in Context

This final step brings your L&D expertise to the forefront. When proposing your alternative solution—perhaps a job aid, a different format, or a non-training intervention—it must be framed within the context of the stakeholder’s original needs and the reasons they initially brought you their idea.

Instead of simply rejecting their idea, you propose an option that achieves their goals more effectively, more efficiently, or more accessibly.

For instance, following the example above (where the stakeholder values time and efficiency), you might propose: "That’s exactly why I had suggested a job aid. What if we could create a tool that they can access in the moment that would allow them to get quick and easy access to the information they need so they can get right back to work?"

Other strategic examples of shifting the conversation include asking:

"What if we look into other options that will be less expensive for the organization and still meet needs?"
"Can I propose something that would require less of your time and still accomplish your goals?"
"To reach hundreds of staff quickly, we may want to consider some other options. Can I share some ideas with you?"

This method—shifting the conversation toward other solutions—avoids blunt rejections like, "We can’t create a training for this," or "This isn’t a training issue". Instead, you are offering options that appeal directly to the stakeholder’s goals and what they are trying to accomplish.

Essential Considerations for Navigating Conflict

Disagreements happen all the time, but successfully navigating them requires more than just a four-step script; it requires emotional intelligence and strategic grounding.

Preparing for a Disagreement

To respond effectively to a disagreement, you must be clear on what the best options and solutions truly are. If you find yourself in situations where you are unsure of the optimal solution, or if you know the solution but struggle to communicate the rationale behind it, you need to be prepared. Refining your craft and being ready to explain your way of thinking is vital. For L&D professionals, this readiness might involve crowdsourcing evidence or connecting with peers in a collective space to get answers to critical questions. Understanding when it is appropriate to flex versus when you must hold firm helps solidify your case. The Nonprofit L&D Collective is this space. It’s a place for you to bring your questions and situations to your peers from nonprofits all around the world and get firsthand feedback and ideas to make your work easier and better.

Managing the Conflict

Once you are in the conversation, several tips can help anchor the discussion and prevent escalation:

Stay Calm: It is not personal. Conflict can easily get us worked up; it might feel like you are being disrespected, ignored, or dismissed. However, it is essential to remember that it is not personal. By staying calm, you maintain clarity and control over the interaction.
Be Clear and Focused: Ensure that you are clear in what you are proposing and why. It is critical to keep the conversation focused on the agreed-upon outcomes and the disagreement at hand. If you have existing project goals or objectives that everyone previously agreed upon, constantly bring those points into the conversation, as they serve as an anchor. Avoid bringing in unrelated issues, as this quickly escalates the conflict and reduces clarity.
Explain Your Rationale: Do not just state, "This isn’t a training issue." You must clearly explain why you disagree.
Keep an Open Mind: Even if you are suggesting a job aid, it does not mean there is not another solution that you and the stakeholder can agree upon. Maintaining an open mind ensures you reach the truly best outcome.
Know When to Step Away: Sometimes, a conversation hits a dead end and is no longer productive. In these moments, you need to know when to step away (and to be clear, this doesn’t mean walking out on them, but pausing the discussion). Stepping away gives both parties time to reflect, go back to the drawing board, and rethink options and goals before returning to the discussion.

The Ultimate Goal in Conflict

Ultimately, when you are engaging in professional disagreement, your purpose is not to prove that you are right. Your goal is simpler and more crucial: to maintain the relationship.

By leveraging curiosity, focusing on agreed-upon outcomes, and framing your expertise as a benefit to their goals, you ensure that even difficult conversations contribute to a stronger working relationship, driving performance and helping your nonprofit fulfill its mission.

To learn more about disagreeing with your stakeholders and managing conflict, tune into episode 158 of the Learning for Good podcast.

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